Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
