Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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