Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize