Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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