Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
