is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
We named our party play list daddy issues
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
