My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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