come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
