It's like a parade of train wrecks.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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