Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
