My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
