In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
