i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
