Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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