I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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