that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
