Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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