is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
