Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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