literally had 100 drinks last night.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize