why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
