Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
