Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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