It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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