how can u be prego again
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
