he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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