dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
