help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
