just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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