two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
