who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
