My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
