if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He passed out mid-signature
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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