And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
