Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
