That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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