I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
