dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
