You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
