I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
