I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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