Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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