Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
