She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
