Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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