He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
