I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
