Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
