The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
