Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
