I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
