Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
