FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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