Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
