he puts the penis in happiness.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
