so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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