The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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