There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
