Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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