is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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