i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
