Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
