3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
