I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
