I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
