We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
