I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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